I have nowhere to turn to. Everyday is like keeping a glimpse of hope knowing that it will be snuffed out by the end of the day. Knowing that you're somewhere on this part of this earth, but unattainable, untouchable, taboo.
Everything of you belongs to me, remember that. No one can touch the memories we had in the past, not even the you now. You know something? I dreamt of you a few days ago. You were smiling in my direction, because I was laughing at something else. And in my dream, I still didn't dare to turn to face you, I was so afraid I couldn't back away from you anymore I feel like I might have lost my control then and there. I was about to burst in happiness when you were looking at my direction, I missed you so fucking much it even hurts in my dream.
The days we spent not acknowledging each other's presence are long gone, though I know we might not be together anymore. I just want you to know that I actually loved you. There's one point in time where I actually loved you more than anyone else in this world and you still don't know it. But no one should know about it because its wrong. You can't accept it, I can't accept and let's all live our life like its a lie. Besides, you yourself want to prove yourself wrong right? I wasn't worthy enough to stop you. I hope out paths will never cross in this way again. Maybe next time, but next time, it would be you chasing after me and not the other way round. You think waiting so many years for you is not torturous? I never expected myself to wait for a time where I could see you again, but when I did that day, I think I lost my ability to speak once again. I guess I'll never know the reason we stopped conversing since that day. Believe me, I tried asking you but since you've found someone else who you could trust, and I was thrown away like that...
Your glances weren't for me anymore. And maybe I was wrong. But which human doesn't make mistakes, so don't tell me you can't forgive me.